“Think About You” #9

Ricky Midway: You know what your problem is?

Tom Leu: Please enlighten me.

You think you're better than everyone else.

Excuse me?

You're self-absorbed. You think you're smarter and on some grander mission than the rest of us.

Is that right?

Yeah, that's right. And that explains why you're sometimes so judgmental of others. It explains why you're often so short with the shortcomings of others.

Harsh. Interesting. And what makes you such an expert?

I'm very observant, just like you.

Is it possible that I just think about myself more than I think about you? Is it possible that I don't think I'm better than... just that I am? Is it possible that YOU are the exact same way, and that's why you recognize these things in me?

Hmmm... I never thought of it that way, but you may be on to something Mr. Psychology guy...

Now we're talking. So what might I be onto in your view Mr. Interview guy?

Well, don't most people, whether overtly or covertly, believe they are better than, or smarter than most others? Don't most people believe that they have some keen insights into human nature? Don't most people feel that they can see where others are off-track and misinformed? Don't most people believe they've got better ways of doing things than others do? Maybe they don't speak it out loud... but don't most really and truly feel this way? Isn't everyone ultimately most concerned with themselves and theirs?

I believe you're right, and I believe your description of most people is accurate.

Why do you think this is so?

You just said it: Everyone is ultimately most concerned with themselves and theirs.

I often ask my classess and audiences to tell me what their favorite subject is. I get a varitety of responses from Science to Social Studies; Math to Marketing. I then go on to tell them that while those are all fine answers, they're all incorrect.

That must go over well (he says sarcastically)...

I get some strange looks for a few seconds, but then I go on to explain that THEY are their favorite subject. Our favorite subject is what we think about the most. People think about themselves, and their situations and circumstances more than anything else... if they're being honest. You know: my stuff, my time, my money, my food, my schedule, my needs, etc.

It sounds sooo bad when you say it like that.

It's not bad; it's reality. And knowing this and applying this carries with it an extreme advantage when interacting with others.

How so?

When I know that you think about you more than you don't, I have an advantage in our interactions together because I'm now in a position to influence these interactions much more successfully by how I communicate with you. I know that the odds of getting what I want are greater if I can provide you with what you want (first). And what you want, is the majority of what you are thinking about the majority of the time. I call this concept selfless-selfishness. It's the proverbial "win-win" scenario.

Presented this way, I feel kinda bad about how I began this conversation.

Don't feel bad about sharing how you see things from your perspective. The lesson here is to understand that there may be more to consider. There may more to see than simply the way any one of us "sees" things. In short, there's often more at play than meets the eye.

So it's not that I think I'm better than anyone else; I, like you and everyone else, just think about I, me, and mine much better, and more often than I think about you and yours. It's different.

I see now.

This insight is at the core of the themes of communication and psychology that run throughout my messages and presentations when I speak publicly.

Is this, at least in part, how your speaking engagements and presentations differ from many others?

I think so... but again, it's not about what I think... it's about what YOU think...

©2011 Tom Leu