Tom Leu "seeing things" … perspectives on music, marketing, & motivation

7 habits of unhappy people

If a person consistently engages in any or all of the following; discontent and disillusionment will certainly arise and become a reality. Fair warning…

1. Seeking approval from others. 
This is natural, but only to a point. If approval-seeking dominates your life; do you really have life? Needing inordinate amounts of acceptance and validation from others indicates that you haven’t yet given it to yourself. If we don’t truly value ourselves first, no amount of accolades or approval from others will ever suffice.

2. Needing to be right.
This is a version of approval-seeking and this habit may also be called 2a. Thinking there is only ONE way… their way. Rarely, if ever, is there only one way of anything! All-or-nothing thinking is often a hallmark of unhappy people and may be the most dangerous mindset of all. Often, in an ill-fated effort to get respect, some will sacrifice personal contentment for perceived correctness. Being right becomes more important than doing what’s right. At some point, usually later in life for most, we realize and accept the greater value of happiness versus justice; peace versus piety. Am I right?

3. Making small compromises.
Just as we all walk before we run; it’s the little things that always lead to the big things sooner or later. Cutting corners and little white lies add up until we find ourselves cornered in a black hole of life. Stunned, we wonder how we ever got here. Rule of thumb: if you have to be discreet; you probably shouldn’t be doing it.

4. Living in the past.
We often romanticize the past, recreating it in our minds as something better than it really was. But it probably wasn’t necessarily better, it was just different. It was a different time, with different circumstances, usually involving different people, sharing different life experiences. This escape to the “past tense” sometimes produces past tension. On the other hand, you can’t move on from something until you’ve been there first. We need not run from, nor regret the past; simply respect it for what it was, and more importantly, who it has made us today.

5. Living in the future.
Rushing toward a future full of promise is another epidemic of the chronically unhappy. Planning and preparing for tomorrow is good and necessary, but not at the expense of being present today. A better tomorrow can never really become a reality if today is side-stepped or skipped-over. Looking ahead cannot replace living in the here-and-now.

6. Over-indulging in substitutes.
Substitutes are any vice, device or distraction we use to be anywhere else but in the present moment. Substitutes provide temporary escapes from a sometimes uncomfortable or painful reality. It can be as simple as shopping or as debilitating as drug addiction. Not all escape mechanisms are “bad,” we just need to have awareness of them and use wisdom around them. Whatever the substitutes, just be conscious of the amount, frequency and motives behind their use.

7. Going it alone.
Unhappy people are often solo-artists. They are those who rarely ask for help. Whether this “help” is personal, professional, or spiritual in nature, they consistently reject assistance in most cases, most of the time. It’s been written that “God either is or he isn’t.” This isn’t about religion. But this may be about some kind of higher power that offers a person help, hope, and possibly even happiness (eventually). It makes little difference whether you prefer to describe this higher power as a god, diety, source, tradition, or any other term used to describe the indescribable; it’s an inside job. Most people at least acknowledge the possible existence of some sort of infinite presence in the world. Do we always recognize or understand this presence? Unlikely. Have we ever seen evidence of it in the lives of others or in our own lives at times? Most likely. Is it possible that there’s more to know? Dismissal, denial, and rejection often immediately precedes acceptance. You are not alone, nor do you have to go it alone. It’s OK to ask for help.

Both happiness and unhappiness often involve good habits to be harnessed and bad habits to be broken.

©2009 Tom Leu