Tom Leu "seeing things" … perspectives on music, marketing, & motivation

“When I Grow Up” #7

So what do you want to be when you grow up?

I have no idea.

No idea? Really?

I used to think I knew, but I didn’t, and still don’t think I do. Not exactly.

I find that hard to believe.

Why’s that?

Because you’re always so busy with so many projects, and you appear so focused and seem to have so much direction and purpose in life.

Interesting words you used: busy, projects, appear, seem, direction, purpose… As an old acquaintance of mine once said, “It’s all smoke and mirrors.”

How’s that?

She said that she was aware of how all of her activity looked to others. It appeared as though she was really doing well because of all the outward activity that others could see. And that was by design. It was being done on purpose to promote that she was very purposeful. And she was.

But she wasn’t doing well in reality? Was it all an act?

Well, I don’t know. That’s really a question only she could answer. I mean, it’s years later now and she still seems to have quite a bit going on when I look her up online. She’s doing all the things she’s always done and more. I guess by some measure she’s doing well… whatever that means to her.

I’m confused.

Just because someone has a lot going on externally doesn’t necessarily mean they have it all together internally. Get it?

Sort of.

I have done, and have had, many, many different careers in my “career” thus far. I have been a musician, salesman, manager, writer, public speaker, television host, producer, and teacher among other things. And I’m proud to say that I have excelled with each of the various occupations I have ever undertaken.

So what’s the problem?

I’m not exactly sure, except for the nagging fact that I never seem satisfied with my path; with myself. There’s always a certain amount of perpetual discontent present.

I’m confused again.

I get to learn (new things). I execute. I do well. Then I do very well. Then I get bored. Then I inevitably move on. Repeat.

There’s got to be certain things that you don’t tire of, yes?

There are.

How about “doing” those things?

I’ve been attempting that for many years now. But the problem is that I always wish to turn these things into my business; my livelihood; the way I make money.

Why?

Because whether it’s right or wrong, that’s how I measure and evaluate the relative success of these endeavors. When I undertake something and they don’t actually produce as much as I expect them to… I question everything. I doubt. Discontent creeps back in. And I want to quit.

So if these endeavors make money, then you’re successful, and if they don’t, you’re not.

I believe so.

I believe that’s what you believe. But does that belief make it so?

What’s that supposed to mean?

I mean… just because someone believes something doesn’t necessarily mean that what they believe is actually true.

Yes, I suppose that’s true. But what is “true” for each of us profoundly shapes our perspective and ultimately our behavior. What we do and don’t do each and every moment, each and every day is largely influenced by our “truth” – whatever that is.

So… whether something is actually true or not in reality, if it’s my truth, then it’s true (for me) because it’s likely to significantly affect my decisions and my behavior. Is that what you’re saying?

That’s what I’m saying.

It’s not really about adjusting behavior but more about adjusting beliefs?

Exactly. I’ve heard it said “you can’t think your way into new behavior, you have to act your way into new thinking” or something like that.

So back to what you want to be when you grow up…?

Yeah, well I’m still working on how I perceive all of that. I realize that my thinking in this area is likely a bit skewed. I think psychosocially speaking, all of us are always “working” on how we see our world and where we fit into it.

And of course, this is an ongoing process, not a one-time event.

Well that’s how it’s turning out for me. The point is that if we truly want something to change here, there, or anywhere, we have to adjust our perspective. We have to allow other viewpoints into the mix. We need to attempt to see things in a different way if we hope to move in a different direction.

Isn’t that kind of a “grown up” realization?

It sounds like it doesn’t it? But I think that “being” is a destination resulting from the “growing up” process.

Do we ever really grow up then?

Man, I hope not.

Me neither.

©2009 Tom Leu