Nov/090
“When I Grow Up” #7
So what do you want to be when you grow up?
I have no idea.
No idea? Really?
I used to think I knew, but I didn’t, and still don’t think I do. Not exactly.
I find that hard to believe.
Why’s that?
Because you’re always so busy with so many projects, and you appear so focused and seem to have so much direction and purpose in life.
Interesting words you used: busy, projects, appear, seem, direction, purpose… As an old acquaintance of mine once said, “It’s all smoke and mirrors.”
How’s that?
She said that she was aware of how all of her activity looked to others. It appeared as though she was really doing well because of all the outward activity that others could see. And that was by design. It was being done on purpose to promote that she was very purposeful. And she was.
But she wasn’t doing well in reality? Was it all an act?
Well, I don’t know. That’s really a question only she could answer. I mean, it’s years later now and she still seems to have quite a bit going on when I look her up online. She’s doing all the things she’s always done and more. I guess by some measure she’s doing well… whatever that means to her.
I’m confused.
Just because someone has a lot going on externally doesn’t necessarily mean they have it all together internally. Get it?
Sort of.
I have done, and have had, many, many different careers in my “career” thus far. I have been a musician, salesman, manager, writer, public speaker, television host, producer, and teacher among other things. And I’m proud to say that I have excelled with each of the various occupations I have ever undertaken.
So what’s the problem?
I’m not exactly sure, except for the nagging fact that I never seem satisfied with my path; with myself. There’s always a certain amount of perpetual discontent present.
I’m confused again.
I get to learn (new things). I execute. I do well. Then I do very well. Then I get bored. Then I inevitably move on. Repeat.
There’s got to be certain things that you don’t tire of, yes?
There are.
How about “doing” those things?
I’ve been attempting that for many years now. But the problem is that I always wish to turn these things into my business; my livelihood; the way I make money.
Why?
Because whether it’s right or wrong, that’s how I measure and evaluate the relative success of these endeavors. When I undertake something and they don’t actually produce as much as I expect them to… I question everything. I doubt. Discontent creeps back in. And I want to quit.
So if these endeavors make money, then you’re successful, and if they don’t, you’re not.
I believe so.
I believe that’s what you believe. But does that belief make it so?
What’s that supposed to mean?
I mean… just because someone believes something doesn’t necessarily mean that what they believe is actually true.
Yes, I suppose that’s true. But what is “true” for each of us profoundly shapes our perspective and ultimately our behavior. What we do and don’t do each and every moment, each and every day is largely influenced by our “truth” – whatever that is.
So… whether something is actually true or not in reality, if it’s my truth, then it’s true (for me) because it’s likely to significantly affect my decisions and my behavior. Is that what you’re saying?
That’s what I’m saying.
It’s not really about adjusting behavior but more about adjusting beliefs?
Exactly. I’ve heard it said “you can’t think your way into new behavior, you have to act your way into new thinking” or something like that.
So back to what you want to be when you grow up…?
Yeah, well I’m still working on how I perceive all of that. I realize that my thinking in this area is likely a bit skewed. I think psychosocially speaking, all of us are always “working” on how we see our world and where we fit into it.
And of course, this is an ongoing process, not a one-time event.
Well that’s how it’s turning out for me. The point is that if we truly want something to change here, there, or anywhere, we have to adjust our perspective. We have to allow other viewpoints into the mix. We need to attempt to see things in a different way if we hope to move in a different direction.
Isn’t that kind of a “grown up” realization?
It sounds like it doesn’t it? But I think that “being” is a destination resulting from the “growing up” process.
Do we ever really grow up then?
Man, I hope not.
Me neither.
©2009 Tom Leu
Oct/090
“Bathroom Books” #6
I love to read.
I know you do.
Or maybe it’s more accurate to say I love to learn.
Perhaps… reading may just be a means to an end for you.
Maybe. But that’s another conversation entirely.
Tell me about these 
books of yours.
Well, I have lots of books. Lots of great books full of great information. But I also have several “bathroom books.”
So are these “bathroom books” anything other than the obvious?
Nope, just books that may or may not be full of great information at the time of reading.
Books that you read, uh, while in the bathroom right?
If you say so.
I’m saying what I think you’re saying.
I’m saying that I frequently have serendipitous moments in the bathroom while reading my “bathroom books.”
Serendipitous moments? In the bathroom?
Yes. I’m just passing the time while taking in a bit of reading. And then it happens. Bang!
C’mon, you’re killing me here… What happens?
It’s simple. I read something that blows me away. Something valuable jumps out of the reading that I wasn’t expecting. Something that stays with me and teaches me something. And I’m thinking: “How can this be? It’s just a bathroom book?”
And then it keeps happening time and time again right?
Yeah, that’s the strange part. After several episodes of this I start to realize that my bathroom books are every bit as important as my other books. They contain the same, if not, more useful information than any other book in my collection.
So playing devil’s advocate right now, the cynics out there are asking themselves, “WTF does this have to do with anything?” Books or bathroom books, who cares?
And I’d politely say that they’re missing the point entirely.
And so the point is to read more bathroom-type books?
No. The point is to be open to discovering the extraordinary in the ordinary… no matter where you find yourself or what you’re doing.
Whether you’re in the bathroom, the bedroom, or the boardroom right?
Right.
Okay, I think I just found one… right here, right now, based on what you’re saying.
Good. That’s the idea. Seeing things from a slightly different perspective can sometimes change everything.
Kinda like the scene when Robin Williams is standing on the desk in “Dead Poet’s Society?”
Yep. Exactly like that. But it’s hard sometimes. It takes work. It takes extra effort to find the different perspectives.
But most people are very attached to the way they see things; the way they “see” the world.
So true. Which is why most are unwilling and/or unable to do the work to “see” things from any other perspective except their own. And then they wonder why many of their interpersonal relationships are so often strained.
I believe this willingness to see things from another person’s perspective is technically called [double-consciousness]. Is that right?
That’s it. And I think that’s the goal with all of this. Double your observation. Take a deeper look. See beyond the ordinary; just underneath the obvious. Consider another perspective; take in some new information; have an open mind. You never know what you might find. If we all did this just a little bit more, a little bit more often, we might be able to do a lot with a little, you know?
I know. And now I must go.
To the bathroom?
No, to find the proverbial ”other” bathroom. The one that few others find.
Way to go.
©2009 Tom Leu
Jun/090
“Something to Prove” #5
So why do you try so hard?
I guess I feel like I have something to prove.
To whom?
To myself and to others I suppose.
Isn’t it more about proving it to others than to yourself?
That’s probably true.
And that’s honest.
I’m trying. Contributing truth; even if it’s just mine, is what I feel I most compelled to do and most enjoy.
You worry about your [life] contribution quite a bit don’t you?
I do. Very much.
Why are you worried? Doesn’t that rob you of the joy of being a creative person in the first place?
At times it does yes. But I think I worry because of my fear of mediocrity. I’m deathly afraid of being average. I guess I’d rather not do something at all if my output is going to be just OK. I want to move people with what I do; with what I contribute. I want to be great. I suppose it’s all born from insecurity in some form or another. My experience is that perceived greatness (whether internal or external) temporarily quiets insecurity. But this is fleeting. The insecurity is hauntingly incessant and persistent. It creeps back in after some time, and the quest to produce greatness ensues once again.
That’s real honest!
It’s hard to admit, but proving myself good enough to others has been a lifelong process and pursuit.
It is for most people in one way or another.
Why is that?
Like you alluded to before, it all boils down to self-esteem and our basic need to be liked and loved.
Sounds very psychological doesn’t it?
Well, it is. Everything is. And that’s just the way it is.
And that’s the old Bruce Hornsby song from the 80’s.
Of course it is. And I knew that was coming…
Sorry, but it was right there. As you were saying…
So people want to be accepted, liked and loved at their core. And so they pursue acquiring this love through many different means… thus attempting to “prove” to others their worthiness of this so-called love? Right?
Right. But the irony is that once a person STOPS feeling like they’ve got something to prove is when they truly START to prove something. It’s way easier said than done.
Yes it is. But that’s the secret to ultimate success and satisfaction isn’t it? The ability to transcend the need to prove one’s worthiness again and again?
Yes, but this is NOT the way of the world. In real life, everything is set up as a test. Pass or fail. Bad or good. Better or worse. Winners and losers. Successful and not-so-successful.
So how is a person supposed to go against such a deeply imbedded and ingrained social expectation?
This is the hardest test of all.
And one that few of us actually pass.
The only ones who truly have a shot at passing this test are the ones who are aware that it actually exists; the ones who are aware that they are actually taking the test each and every day; the ones with nothing necessarily to prove.
I’m aware.
Then you’re on your way.
Guess I’ll keep studying.
As should we all…
©2009 Tom Leu
Jun/099
“Pop Quiz” #4
I want to give you a little test.
What kind of test?
A pop quiz.
I thought I was through with those things when I finished college.
Not quite. Just tell me the first thing that comes to mind when I say the following series of things.
What is this some sort of Rorschach-style interview?
Call it whatever you want. Are you ready?
Let’s do it.
Liberal.
Relative.
Conservative.
Exclusionary.
Reason.
A source of insight and explanation.
Religion.
A source of socially acceptable delusion and exclusion disguised as inclusion.
Atheist.
Fundamentalist-light.
Agnostic.
Not sure about the nature of reality.
Reality TV.
The new prime time.
Rockford, IL.
Behind the times.
New York City.
Ahead of the times.
Los Angeles.
In time.
New York Yankees.
Sick of them.
Los Angeles Lakers.
Sick of them.
Going to the lake.
Relaxing and revealing.
The Internet.
More will necessarily be revealed.
Social Media.
Too much unnecessary information.
Celebrity.
Overrated.
Blogging.
Overrated.
Bob Dylan.
Overrated.
Boz Skaggs
Underrated.
Ricky Skaggs
Underrated.
King’s X
Underrated.
XXXchurch.com
Cleverly-creative idea.
Republican.
Liberally-relative ideal.
Democrat.
Conservatively-exclusionary ideal.
Persuasion
The vehicle.
Communication
The difference.
Emotional intelligence.
The destination.
Balance.
The ball game.
Well done. So what’s the moral of the story?
All of the things that you asked me about were loosely related to the next. And then it all sort of came together full-circle at the end, and became a six degrees of separation sort-of-thing.
Neat huh?
Yeah… because when you really think about it, most things in the world are more or less interconnected. All of creation is dependent, yet interdependent at the same time. Each of its own, on its own, yet deriving meaning within the context of the other.
All things are complex and commonplace; esoteric yet exposed; sophisticated yet sophomoric simultaneously. Such is life…
Congratulations. You’ve passed the quiz.
©2009 Tom Leu
May/090
“Lust Kills” #3
Catchy title.
Glad you like it.
So are you going to be preaching about sexual indiscretion or something now?
Nah… I don’t preach; I prefer to teach. There’s a big difference.
Some think preaching and teaching are the same, but they’re practically opposites… they can actually be contradictions of each other. Preaching is rarely teaching anything.
Exactly! And that’s exactly what I want to talk about… this concept of paradox.
Paradox? Sounds uninteresting. Lust sounds much more intriguing.
Well it may be, but maybe not.
Define paradox.
According to the dictionary, a paradox is something that is self-contradicting; any person, thing, or situation exhibiting an apparently contradictory nature. An example of a paradox would be saying something like “I always lie,” because if that fact is true then the statement must be false. Get it?
Sort of.
Think of a paradox as being similar or related to other words such as a contradiction or an oxymoron.
A working title of one of your other writings is called “The Beautiful Secrets.” Is that an example of paradox?
Yes. That’s the idea. Why would something that is beautiful have to be a secret?
It’s a mystery.
It is. Which leads me to my thoughts about people who appear paradoxical.
People are paradoxical?
Sure; and contradictory and oxymoronic and on and on. Although they’re not as mysterious as they’d have you believe.
Give me an example.
I have one intriguing, yet sometimes irritating old “friend” who comes to mind.
So tell me about this old “friend” (in quotes) of yours.
He’s a guy who markets himself to be so FOR things, but is really AGAINST more than he’s for.
Explain.
This guy has always been a cool customer; a rock star you know? But his whole gig is presenting this thing I call an “Attitude of Against” or A-of-A. This is when someone or some group comes across more strongly “against” things that “for” anything. It’s an energy-depleting position, and the opposite of everything the RockStar WayTM promotes.
So he’s kind of a pessimist or a cynic?
No, I wouldn’t say that. Actually, he’s very smart and seems to know exactly what he wants and appears very driven to achieve those things. But in his quest to achieve his goals, he comes off with an antagonism and an aura of belittlement aimed at that which differs from himself and his preferences. And with his sarcastic wit and intelligence, this guy makes it seem bigger than just preference differences; he really makes it appear to be about what is truly right and wrong. That’s both the irritating and intriguing part.
Wow, this guy sounds complicated!
Yeah, that’s what he wants you to think. He wants you to think that he’s this very deep, complex, tortured, misunderstood, dark and brooding artist type. He sometimes comes off as the ”I’m too-cool-for-you,” punk-apostle type… if you know what I mean. But he’s not really what he presents. He’s just a guy. An insecure guy who’s clever at marketing himself. A paradox.
But can’t we all be that way at times?
Of course, but not everyone goes out of their way to wave this post-punkish “Attitude of Against” flag by admonishing all things “rock” while admiring anything anti-establishment.
You sound a bit threatened by this guy.
Sometimes I do feel that way truthfully, until I take a closer look at what’s really going on.
So what’s going on?
It’s the classic rebel-with-a-cause complex. People like this dude thrive on attitudes of angst, anti-establishment, and arrogance. They always seem pissed off; are against all forms of authority, and think that they’re better than everyone else. But they’re not really that pissed off, they conform to authority like the rest of us, they truly aren’t any better than anyone else, and they often suffer from high levels of low self-esteem. They are a paradox; a contradiction in and of themselves. And in a way, they actually represent all that they rail against.
Amazing how you turned that whole thing around a full 360°… so what’s the take-away here?
Literally pointing out what you don’t like can actually make you more like it (or like it more)… figuratively speaking. Those that run around strongly preaching against those things which they despise are usually the ones most attracted to those very same things. For example, “lust kills” is most often preached by the most lustful.
You’re surely not saying that being outspoken and passionate is a bad thing?
No, definitely not. I’m saying that it’s all about the underlying content of your message. It’s easy to be negative and to be against things. It’s everywhere, all the time. But tell me what you’re for, not just what you’re against. Injecting positive into the world is a much more challenging and worthwhile effort in my opinion.
So “Nice Wins” as you often say. Is that right?
In the end, I believe nice does win. Be yourself. Be transparent. But be nice for f**k sake! An overbearing and overindulgent “A-of-A” is actually negativity cleverly promoted as something positive. However, the surface bravado really only reveals a covert cowardice.
Very observant.
Beware. Be aware.
©2009 Tom Leu
May/090
“Buffet(t)” #2
So are we pronouncing this one buff-AY or buff-ETT?
Both?
Yes, because I have a love/hate relationship with both.
You mean… “buffets” as in the “Old Country”-style large food conglomerations that are often over-populated particularly on Sunday mornings and on other assorted holidays?
Nice description! Yes, that’s one of them.
And the other “buffet” you’re referring to is…?
Jimmy.
Jimmy Buffett? The singer/songwriter, “Margaritaville” dude?
The one and only.
So let me get this straight… this is about your love/hate relationship with food buffets and Jimmy Buffett (with two T’s) the musician?
Yes. And it’s hopefully going be “inspirational” in the process. Because I believe there’s a great lesson that exists within that which we like and dislike at the same time.
Okay. I’ll play along. So let’s start with buffet-style food. What’s the deal there?
It’s not so much the food as it is the way people act – around the food. I, like a lot of other people, love buffets for all the choices available. A plethora of seemingly unlimited food selections is one of my last surviving guilty pleasures in life. The whole “all-you-can-eat” concept is arguably a very unhealthy, yet alluring option. I hate buffets though because in my experience, most people’s manners go out the window at these places. With little regard for others who paid the same amount of money to be there; a lot of apparently very hungry individuals (and their impatient families) cut in line, crowd you, shoot you dirty looks, and otherwise operate as if they are more entitled to be there than you are.
Yeah… what the hell is that all about?
I think that as soon as some people enter a buffet-style-situation, a scarcity mentality kicks in and rears its ugly head. Despite the obvious abundance of food, these people seem to somehow, someway, begin to fear that the food is going to run out. That the well is going to dry up and they are literally going to starve to death right then and there. It’s really amazing to watch. The lesson here is that every time I witness this sort of behavior, it makes me (literally) step back and re-evaluate my own social etiquette and commit to improving myself because I don’t want to be that way.
And so you’re saying (with a bit of exaggeration) that this scarcity mentality serves as a justification then for some people to be rude, inconsiderate, and intolerant?
Exactly. This is why I rarely frequent buffets and actually hate them more than I love them.
Okay, but what does this have to do with Jimmy Buffett, the musician/marketing guru? I thought everyone liked Jimmy Buffett music? You’re gonna piss off all the ‘parrotheads’ out there by bashing him.
I love the idea of Jimmy Buffett’s music; not the actual music itself. Jimmy “sings” about sun, sand, beaches, vacations, margaritas, cheeseburgers, and paradise! I love the feeling I get from the images he presents in his songs. That’s what makes him great. But his music is technically not great. And it’s grossly overplayed by every “classic rock” radio station and bar band from coast-to-coast; which makes me hate it. The songs aren’t necessarily well-written, sang, or played. But therein lies Buffett’s genius. He knows this. Jimmy Buffett, the marketer, knows it’s the idea of his music, not the actuality that sells. It’s not the actual chords, melodies or lyrics, but the emotion his music evokes that is its most redeeming quality and valuable contribution. These are the reasons why I actually love Jimmy Buffett’s music more than I hate it.
So you’re essentially saying that Jimmy Buffett banks on the notion that “Come Monday” the fantasy is often better than the reality?
Nicely put. And that’s exactly what I’m saying. That’s the lesson. Gene Simmons of KISS has said that he’s not in the music business; he’s in the emotion business. That’s never left me. It’s brilliant!
So how do you tie together lessons from the buffet with lessons from Buffett?
Whether at the buffet counter or the Buffett concert… even when the negatives are glaring; take an extra second to look for the hidden positives to apply. They’re right there; just underneath the obvious…
©2009 Tom Leu
Apr/092
“Once Written” #1
What is this?
A whenever-I-feel-like-it column/essay/article in the format of a Q&A. I’m calling it Conversations with Tom.
Who’s asking the questions?
Ricky Midway; the interviewer and my alter-ego. He represents all the voices in my head asking the tough questions.
Okay… and you, Tom Leu, are answering these questions?
Yep. With brutal honesty, humility, and (hopefully) humor at times.
So do you think you’re a good enough writer to pull this off?
I think so. I consider myself a decent writer; though I’ve never actually written anything “noteworthy” yet. So I don’t know if that qualifies me as good or not.
Define “noteworthy.”
Unless one’s writing has been legitimately published by a reputable (and often sizeable) book or periodical publisher, it doesn’t really count, nor matter (they say)… therefore not noteworthy.
So who are “they” that get to determine what is “good’ and what is deemed “worthy?” And how does one go about getting that job?
That’s a good question… I guess it’s those people in any industry who decide what gets mass produced and what doesn’t. I’ll call them the “Keepers of the Content Contingency” or the KCC.
So only something legitimately published qualifies it as noteworthy?
It seems that way, though I know a lot of exceptions exist. But not only does a writer’s work have to be legitimately published for it to really count; this published work also has to be consumed (i.e. purchased) by some pre-determined (large) number of people to validate the writing’s relative worth by financially justifying its existence. Then and only then can one be truly considered “a writer.”
Sounds stringent.
It is.
So who made up these requisite rules of writing? Members of the KCC?
(laughing) Most likely. But ironically, I’m fairly certain that whoever it was probably isn’t a “real” writer either.
Now that’s funny! And likely true.
It’s actually kind of sad if you think about it.
These supposed “experts” in any field are certainly not the final authority are they?
No they’re not. This is why we (the writers, artists, content creators) have to understand the relationship between creativity, contribution, and commerce. You see, only YOU (the creator) can truly decide what is “good” regarding creativity. And only OTHERS (the consumer) can truly validate what is “good” regarding contribution. And then for commerce to truly exist requires an “agreement” between YOU and OTHERS.
Interesting…
Thank you.
So is that what this column is about? Creativity? Contribution? Commerce?
Yes it is, among other things. It’s an ongoing conversation about life and the Lifestyle Initiative Training that results from embracing the many principles of personal development that exist within the culture of music and media. It’s what I call the RockStar WayTM. And in my view, to be a “rock star” is about being your best at what you do the best! It’s a process.
Interesting…
You already said that.
I did, didn’t I?
I’ll take that as a compliment.
You should. Your whole approach here sounds rather insightful, exciting and fresh.
Well that sounds like a good ending note to this initial conversation.
It does. Guess I’ll “talk” to you soon…
©2009 Tom Leu
TOMLEU.COM | TOMLEU.TV
Tom Leu is a writer, speaker, and teacher with degrees in Psychology & Sociology. Tom's RockStar Way™ brand uncovers extraordinary "images" within music, marketing & motivation.
Paragon Productions, Inc. "RockStar Marketing & Multi-Media Brand Enhancement"
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