Tom Leu Music, Marketing & Motivation… the RockStar Way™

are YOU being manipulated?

Is to persuade… to manipulate?

Are you being manipulated when you get persuaded or influenced to think or act in a certain way?

The answer is…YES.

Yes. Persuasion IS manipulation.

And it is YES, every time. 

By definition, to persuade REQUIRES some amount of manipulation.

But why?

Because to manipulate means to influence (others or oneself) skillfully, usually to one’s advantage. To persuade means to succeed in causing or influencing a person to do or consent to something. Persuasion cannot occur without some degree of manipulation present in the first place, exerting influence.

Effective persuasion is about recognizing and effectively manipulating the collection of beliefs and perspectives that YOU KNOW others have accumulated and cling to throughout their lives.

But being “manipulative” is most often viewed as being a negative thing. And it may be at times, but it doesn’t always have to be.

When anyone gets persuaded to do anything, they are being manipulated. A desired outcome is being sought through the maneuvering of the circumstances and/or the situation. Whether this “manipulation” is deemed “good” or “bad” is all a matter of perspective.

And one’s perspective is also dependent upon persuasion. Cultural, societal, and family values and experiences all heavily influence and PERSUADE one’s perspectives of the world. An old mentor of mine used to say: “The world is as you are, not as it is.” So true… read it again.

Get over worrying about whether practicing persuasion is being manipulative. IT IS! Call it whatever you want; it’s still about influencing outcomes. And attempting to influence outcomes is a business we’re all in whether we’re consciously aware of it or not. Learning how to be more successful at this universal pursuit is simply smart. Where people get hung up is on the subject of MOTIVES. You can’t talk about manipulation (i.e. persuasion) without talking about the motives behind the manipulation as well.

What are the intentions behind this influence, or persuasion, or manipulation? That’s the question that looms large in a lot of people’s minds.

Debating the motives of the manipulation is THE classic argument. For example, if one’s motives are good, some say, then the manipulation (persuasion) is OK, and vice-versa.

Well, who defines what’s good and not good?

Everyone does. It’s always been that way, and always will be. And therein lies the problem.

Whether the motives underlying the manipulation are viewed as positive or negative also depend on a person’s perspective. And this perspective about what is negatively manipulative or unethical is based on one’s perception (the way they “see” the world). It often becomes a big, giant blob of circular reasoning.

It goes like this: “This is good because I perceive it as good; because I was taught to perceive that it was good; so therefore I believe that it is good; so therefore this is good.”

Though largely unconscious, people think they really went somewhere with that argument, but they’ve really just ended where they began. They said nothing. They proved nothing. They simply restated their perspective; their perception; their opinion in a superficially-clever way.

This is all done with the intention to manipulate and persuade others to see things their way; to agree with their way of thinking; to buy into their beliefs. Many political and religious organizations are experts at doing this very well.

Too many people get hung up (and spend too much time) on this philosophical argument of whether the science of persuasion or the art of influence is good or bad. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is for you (the master persuader) to understand how these perceptions influence other people’s decisions. Let everyone else fight the good or bad, right or wrong, left or right debates.

Only you know the truth about your own motives and intentions surrounding your efforts to persuade and manipulate others. Let your conscience be your guide. The rest of us are moving on…

The wise person is looking at this game of life from a unique perspective. They are actively pursuing a birds-eye-view of human nature that’s happening in real-time and are responding accordingly, shrewdly, and carefully. This perspective is one that gets results by intelligently and effectively influencing outcomes while everyone else is sweating the details.

So yes, I am attempting to manipulate/persuade/influence you (with the best of intentions and motives) to get you to really think about these things. To apply them to your life; to potentially improve the quality of your life, and the lives of others. At the end of the day, that’s really all that matters.

Manipulative? Absolutely.

Persuasive? Depends on your perspective.

Smart? No question.

Now you know. 

©2009 Tom Leu