Jul/090
square peg-round hole syndrome
Got goals?
Got big dreams and plans that you’ve been harboring and hinting at for a long time?
Here’s a news flash:
Whatever your big plans or intentions are…
If you haven’t done it by now; if you haven’t acted on your aspirations; you probably aren’t going to.
Game over.
Get off the merry-go-round and get on with your life.
Move on and make room for what really matters to you.
The argument is that if it hasn’t happened yet, there’s a reason. And the likely reason is that you haven’t put the necessary time and effiort into it to make IT happen.
And the reason for that is because you don’t care enough about IT to do what’s necessary ongoing. You’re either not doing things right, or not doing enough of the right things.
You like the IDEA of it more than the REALITY of it. It sounds good in theory, but doesn’t play in the real world.
What truly matters to us is that which not only gets our attention, but gets our action. If it’s all talk, then it’s just crap. Intention without action is useless. There’s got to be consistent action taken over time to really make things happen. There has to be a commitment to the details in order for the dream to become the reality.
This only happens by focusing on and doing that which we really love. Letting go of the ought to’s and should do’s frees up space on our mental hard drives and affords us the opportunity to focus on that which we WILL do.
Seth Godin’s book, The Dip, correctly suggests that there may be a right time to QUIT certain things, at certain times, if they are no longer serving us. I agree.
The “square peg-round hole syndrome” results when people try to be something they’re not. To do something they’re not cut out to do. It occurs when people believe in an idea about themselves, or a version of themselves, that at the end of the day, isn’t who they really are, and thus never materializes.
It’s not that they’re bad or unintelligent or unmotivated. It’s that they’re trying to FORCE it. And when we force things… things usually get broken.
This often happens to people when they try living up to faulty internal or misguided external expectations that may be decades old.
If any of this is ringing true for you… it’s time to get out of fantasy and into reality.
It may be time to trim the fat, get focused, get free from the fantasy. It’s OK, really.
If you’ve been spinning your wheels trying to get somewhere you thought you wanted to go, never seeming to arrive at your destination… it’s time to reconsider your destination and your motives for wanting to go there in the first place. Don’t try to be something you’re not.
Tell the truth. Be honest with yourself about what you like and don’t like; what you’re good at and what you’re not. Only undertake those things that really mean something to you. Those things that you’re truly passionate about. Those things that keep you up late at night and get you up early in the morning. Those things that you’d do for free. Marry that passion with your natural abilities and skills. Those things that you really have a knack for. Those things that others recognize you’re good at. Those things that you do as well, or better than most others.
Combine this passion and this talent… THIS is where you should be. THIS is what you should be doing. THIS is where you should live.
Maybe you’ll make a business out it. Maybe you won’t. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that you will NOW have the peace of mind knowing you are in the right place, at the right time, doing that which you are supposed to be doing, for all the right reasons.
And that is worth more than money.
That is all there is to do. Because “doing” this… is “being” who you are supposed to be.
And that is what the ”richest” among us eventually come to understand.
Game on.
“It doesn’t matter how much you want. What really matters is how much you want it.” – Ralph Marston
©2009 Tom Leu
Dec/081
go your own way
This is Malcolm Gladwell (The Tipping Point, Outliers) discussing the band Fleetwood Mac’s story as an illustration of the often very long time it takes to truly become great at something. The video’s comment below prompted my writing that follows: (gotta love Mal’s hair…)
“I don’t doubt he is correct about the time it takes to achieve greatness. To me this isn’t a big breakthrough. The hard part for most people is finding that special thing to put their energy into. Why aren’t more authors and thinkers pointing out this aspect of success?, identifying one’s calling…because it’s only natural to devote energy to something when you believe it is really worthwhile. This is what I believe separates the top 5% from the rest (finding their niche) which isn’t easy!” - coreydmont, from YouTube.com
As a writer, observer and participant, here is my take:
Finding your niche… discovering your destiny… uncovering your calling… this is the hardest part of being “successful.”
Knowing the what you should be pursuing has to precede the how you’re going to get there. Many people get this backwards.
A lot of well-intentioned and ambitious people exert tremendous amounts of time and effort pursuing undertakings that are wrong for them. They get so wrapped up in the doing that they don’t stop to consider if what they’re doing is what they should be doing.
The what you should be doing is that which exists at the intersection of your passion AND your talent. A calling must marry one’s interest as well as their skills. It’s that thing you do that few others can do as well or as uniquely as you do.
It’s not enough to just enjoy something; it’s not enough to be good at something… one’s true calling or destiny or life’s work HAS to contain both elements. A passion for – and a knack for – must co-exist. Passion PLUS talent produces necessary perseverance required to turn your calling into a career.
Next, this calling has to be specific and focused. No one can be good at everything… nor should you try. One must specialize and then organize. Countless hours, days, months, and even years can be saved if you really stop and consider the “what” before the “how.”
Once you know that, then do that, for as long as it takes. Maybe even for 10,000 hours over the next ten years…
Real “success” is enjoying the journey doing what you’re supposed to be doing… to “Go Your Own Way” – regardless of the outcome.
©2008 Tom Leu
Dec/080
if you can’t join ‘em, beat ‘em…
Everyone’s heard the saying, “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” With a sincere and slightly passive-aggressive intent, I’d like to propose the opposite for a change: If you can’t JOIN ‘em… BEAT ‘em!
Depending on the circumstances, it eventually becomes wise to stop banging your head against the wall trying to gain access into certain organizations, places, or positions. The doors of opportunity are not always open to everyone, everywhere you go. There comes a time when you have to go out and create your own dream job or opportunities. They are out there, IF you are willing to go get them and do the work necessary to keep them. It can be scary; but it’s oh so necessary.
Joining ‘em sometimes turns out to be overrated and interesting only from the outside looking in. It often seems attractive at first glance, to be apart of something that may not actually have much real significance, value, or validity.
Beating ‘em doesn’t necessarily have to contain a negative connotation. It’s merely being used as an expression suggesting going out and doing things for yourself on your own terms when and where appropriate. Don’t allow the will of others to stifle your own goals and aspirations. Stay away from your life’s dream-stealers. They’re a cancer on the soul.
Being apart of the establishment or the “clique” is not always the best route for everyone, all of the time. The writer of the New Testament book of Galatians suggests “Let every person carefully scrutinize and examine and test his own conduct and his own work. He can then have the personal satisfaction and joy of doing something commendable with boastful comparison with his neighbor.” Basically, it’s saying that it’s OK to be proud of our own good work, regardless of what others may think.
So if you can’t join ‘em, beat ‘em with your ingenuity, independence, and instinct. Blaze your own trails and make your own rules. Make ‘em sorry they didn’t get you when the gettin’ was good. If you gotta have experience to get experience, then write your own resume by defining your purpose and building your own platform. Dare to dream and create your destiny!
Dec/081
opposition confirms progress
When a car zooms by you while you’re out driving what often pops into your mind? Maybe something like: “That person’s crazy – look at how fast they’re going - who do they think they are?” On the other hand, the slow car gets the “what’s wrong with that guy – he’s hardly moving - what’s his problem - get out of my way” reaction right? Why do we seem to get upset when things are moving either too fast or too slow for us? Regardless of the speed, progress usually comes coupled with obstacles and opposition.
When you come up against opposition in life, there are often only two possible reasons for it: 1) You shouldn’t be doing what you’re doing or 2) You’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. I want to focus on the latter of these two scenarios.
Opposition often confirms progress because progress makes some people uncomfortable. Another word for progress is change, and change is something that most people don’t like. When others try to slow you down or discourage you from pursuing something otherwise positive, chances are you’re on the right track. When something is moving forward or moving ahead, this fact immediately causes attention and focus to be placed on that which isn’t making as much progress (or standing still). Certain people who try to slow us down with “good intentions” are really those who I call dream stealers. Dream stealing often comes disguised as “good advice.” Beware. Distance yourself from dream stealers; those people who take energy & inspiration from you rather than give it to you.
Just know that if you’re a motivated person who has ambitious goals and blazes trails that you will run into opposition, interference, and setbacks. It’s not a possibility but a certainty. But remember to use this opposition as confirmation that progress is being made. History is full of accounts depicting people with good ideas, causes, and crusades that had to endure and overcome intense struggle and opposition before breaking through and eventually making an impact. So keep the faith, stay the course, and surround yourself with winners who embrace change, endorse progress, and envision a better future.
“Be good and you will be lonesome.” -Mark Twain
©2008 Tom Leu
Nov/080
enduring uncertainty
The ability to endure through uncertain situations or unpredictable times of life demonstrates the necessary amount of faith and belief in ourselves that transcends circumstance. A 
seemingly invisible, yet undeniable drive underlies all attitude, effort, and action. It’s this consistent focus that harnesses hesitation, produces action over apprehension, and capitalizes on chaos with a solution-oriented perspective.
Sticking with things after we’ve stuck our neck out is a virtue that reveals character. To endure means to face with courage. Though giving up seems like the easier, softer way at times; the long-term consequences of quitting often far eclipse any apparent short-term gains in certainty and stability. Enduring uncertainty requires an attainment of presence in the present. Presence is recognizing the now today… by accepting yesterday… while embracing, not fearing tomorrow.
©2008 Tom Leu
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Tom Leu is a writer, speaker, photographer, and teacher with degrees in Psychology and Sociology. Tom's RockStar Way™ brand uncovers the extraordinary "images" within music, marketing & motivation.
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