Nov/090
“When I Grow Up” #7
So what do you want to be when you grow up?
I have no idea.
No idea? Really?
I used to think I knew, but I didn’t, and still don’t think I do. Not exactly.
I find that hard to believe.
Why’s that?
Because you’re always so busy with so many projects, and you appear so focused and seem to have so much direction and purpose in life.
Interesting words you used: busy, projects, appear, seem, direction, purpose… As an old acquaintance of mine once said, “It’s all smoke and mirrors.”
How’s that?
She said that she was aware of how all of her activity looked to others. It appeared as though she was really doing well because of all the outward activity that others could see. And that was by design. It was being done on purpose to promote that she was very purposeful. And she was.
But she wasn’t doing well in reality? Was it all an act?
Well, I don’t know. That’s really a question only she could answer. I mean, it’s years later now and she still seems to have quite a bit going on when I look her up online. She’s doing all the things she’s always done and more. I guess by some measure she’s doing well… whatever that means to her.
I’m confused.
Just because someone has a lot going on externally doesn’t necessarily mean they have it all together internally. Get it?
Sort of.
I have done, and have had, many, many different careers in my “career” thus far. I have been a musician, salesman, manager, writer, public speaker, television host, producer, and teacher among other things. And I’m proud to say that I have excelled with each of the various occupations I have ever undertaken.
So what’s the problem?
I’m not exactly sure, except for the nagging fact that I never seem satisfied with my path; with myself. There’s always a certain amount of perpetual discontent present.
I’m confused again.
I get to learn (new things). I execute. I do well. Then I do very well. Then I get bored. Then I inevitably move on. Repeat.
There’s got to be certain things that you don’t tire of, yes?
There are.
How about “doing” those things?
I’ve been attempting that for many years now. But the problem is that I always wish to turn these things into my business; my livelihood; the way I make money.
Why?
Because whether it’s right or wrong, that’s how I measure and evaluate the relative success of these endeavors. When I undertake something and they don’t actually produce as much as I expect them to… I question everything. I doubt. Discontent creeps back in. And I want to quit.
So if these endeavors make money, then you’re successful, and if they don’t, you’re not.
I believe so.
I believe that’s what you believe. But does that belief make it so?
What’s that supposed to mean?
I mean… just because someone believes something doesn’t necessarily mean that what they believe is actually true.
Yes, I suppose that’s true. But what is “true” for each of us profoundly shapes our perspective and ultimately our behavior. What we do and don’t do each and every moment, each and every day is largely influenced by our “truth” – whatever that is.
So… whether something is actually true or not in reality, if it’s my truth, then it’s true (for me) because it’s likely to significantly affect my decisions and my behavior. Is that what you’re saying?
That’s what I’m saying.
It’s not really about adjusting behavior but more about adjusting beliefs?
Exactly. I’ve heard it said “you can’t think your way into new behavior, you have to act your way into new thinking” or something like that.
So back to what you want to be when you grow up…?
Yeah, well I’m still working on how I perceive all of that. I realize that my thinking in this area is likely a bit skewed. I think psychosocially speaking, all of us are always “working” on how we see our world and where we fit into it.
And of course, this is an ongoing process, not a one-time event.
Well that’s how it’s turning out for me. The point is that if we truly want something to change here, there, or anywhere, we have to adjust our perspective. We have to allow other viewpoints into the mix. We need to attempt to see things in a different way if we hope to move in a different direction.
Isn’t that kind of a “grown up” realization?
It sounds like it doesn’t it? But I think that “being” is a destination resulting from the “growing up” process.
Do we ever really grow up then?
Man, I hope not.
Me neither.
©2009 Tom Leu
Aug/091
willing AND able?
The question is often asked… “are you willing and able?”
It’s usually posed as a single question, when in fact, there are two very distinct things at play here. Willingness and ability are not the same thing of course, though we’re often led to believe they should be.
Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
And just because you should doesn’t mean you can.
Ability. This is about skill, talent and know-how. If you’re not properly qualified or trained to perform certain tasks or undertakings, then your choices are two-fold: 1) Learn how to do what you want to do or 2) Don’t do it. Get educated or move on to something else that you’re qualified to accomplish successfully. Ability is largely external and, barring any mental or physical limitations, can be taught and learned.
Willingness. This is about desire, passion and interests. If you’re not willing to consistently do something… you won’t. Be honest with yourself when it comes to what you’re really willing to do in life. Whether it’s pertaining to a career, relationships, or hobbies, people only stick with things they are passionate about or significantly interested in. For long-term commitment, true willingness must be present. Willingness is primarily internal and generally cannot be taught. One can be forced to be willing temporarily, but this is more accurately called obedience, not willingness.
Four scenarios pertaining to willingess and ability exist:
1) Willing and Able = A calling… equals happiness, adventure, fulfillment, & contentment. (best case scenario)
2) Unwilling and Able = A job… equals stability, security, restlessness, boredom, & wonder. (head case scenario)
3) Willing and Unable = A dream… equals good intentions, excitement, fear, uncertainty, & unproductiveness. (head case scenario)
4) Unwilling and Unable = A waste of time… equals dread, angst, apathy, & loathing. (worst case scenario)
So what to do if you find yourself stuck in scenario 2, 3, or 4 - where either willingness or ability or both are absent? First, you may voluntarily leave the situation after you’ve had enough. Second, you may be asked to leave, or the situation may leave you after others have had enough. Or third, you may seek one or more vices, devices or distractions to cope with and endure the disconnect.
The moral of the story?
Pursue your passion that’s also your talent.
If you’re an “easier said than done” enthusiast, you’re likely sitting in scenario 2, 3, or 4 right now - and are likely a chronic excuse-maker and victim. The real question is… how long are you willing to stay there? Only when the pain is great enough to [exceed the need] for excuses can real change take place. Ask yourself if it’s a matter of can’t (unable) or won’t (unwilling). Big difference. Honestly answering this is the first step toward the solution.
©2009 Tom Leu
Dec/081
go your own way
This is Malcolm Gladwell (The Tipping Point, Outliers) discussing the band Fleetwood Mac’s story as an illustration of the often very long time it takes to truly become great at something. The video’s comment below prompted my writing that follows: (gotta love Mal’s hair…)
“I don’t doubt he is correct about the time it takes to achieve greatness. To me this isn’t a big breakthrough. The hard part for most people is finding that special thing to put their energy into. Why aren’t more authors and thinkers pointing out this aspect of success?, identifying one’s calling…because it’s only natural to devote energy to something when you believe it is really worthwhile. This is what I believe separates the top 5% from the rest (finding their niche) which isn’t easy!” - coreydmont, from YouTube.com
As a writer, observer and participant, here is my take:
Finding your niche… discovering your destiny… uncovering your calling… this is the hardest part of being “successful.”
Knowing the what you should be pursuing has to precede the how you’re going to get there. Many people get this backwards.
A lot of well-intentioned and ambitious people exert tremendous amounts of time and effort pursuing undertakings that are wrong for them. They get so wrapped up in the doing that they don’t stop to consider if what they’re doing is what they should be doing.
The what you should be doing is that which exists at the intersection of your passion AND your talent. A calling must marry one’s interest as well as their skills. It’s that thing you do that few others can do as well or as uniquely as you do.
It’s not enough to just enjoy something; it’s not enough to be good at something… one’s true calling or destiny or life’s work HAS to contain both elements. A passion for – and a knack for – must co-exist. Passion PLUS talent produces necessary perseverance required to turn your calling into a career.
Next, this calling has to be specific and focused. No one can be good at everything… nor should you try. One must specialize and then organize. Countless hours, days, months, and even years can be saved if you really stop and consider the “what” before the “how.”
Once you know that, then do that, for as long as it takes. Maybe even for 10,000 hours over the next ten years…
Real “success” is enjoying the journey doing what you’re supposed to be doing… to “Go Your Own Way” – regardless of the outcome.
©2008 Tom Leu
Dec/081
opposition confirms progress
When a car zooms by you while you’re out driving what often pops into your mind? Maybe something like: “That person’s crazy – look at how fast they’re going - who do they think they are?” On the other hand, the slow car gets the “what’s wrong with that guy – he’s hardly moving - what’s his problem - get out of my way” reaction right? Why do we seem to get upset when things are moving either too fast or too slow for us? Regardless of the speed, progress usually comes coupled with obstacles and opposition.
When you come up against opposition in life, there are often only two possible reasons for it: 1) You shouldn’t be doing what you’re doing or 2) You’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. I want to focus on the latter of these two scenarios.
Opposition often confirms progress because progress makes some people uncomfortable. Another word for progress is change, and change is something that most people don’t like. When others try to slow you down or discourage you from pursuing something otherwise positive, chances are you’re on the right track. When something is moving forward or moving ahead, this fact immediately causes attention and focus to be placed on that which isn’t making as much progress (or standing still). Certain people who try to slow us down with “good intentions” are really those who I call dream stealers. Dream stealing often comes disguised as “good advice.” Beware. Distance yourself from dream stealers; those people who take energy & inspiration from you rather than give it to you.
Just know that if you’re a motivated person who has ambitious goals and blazes trails that you will run into opposition, interference, and setbacks. It’s not a possibility but a certainty. But remember to use this opposition as confirmation that progress is being made. History is full of accounts depicting people with good ideas, causes, and crusades that had to endure and overcome intense struggle and opposition before breaking through and eventually making an impact. So keep the faith, stay the course, and surround yourself with winners who embrace change, endorse progress, and envision a better future.
“Be good and you will be lonesome.” -Mark Twain
©2008 Tom Leu
Sep/080
living on purpose
“The secret of success is constancy of purpose.” – Benjamin Disraeli
A lot of people live life on accident instead of on purpose. In other words, we are reactive more than we are proactive. We are responding to life rather than creating it.
Living on purpose means to have, at least generally, an idea of where you want to go: a map → a plan → a goal. Writing down your purpose gives it life, and gives you direction and some accountability. This then gives your purpose more opportunity to become reality… which is what you want. When the unexpected twists and turns of life present themselves, we will regain our course sooner and with more certainty when we have a direction and a purpose for being. Got Purpose?
“We are all either building our own dreams or building somebody else’s.” – Jeff Olson
©2008 Tom Leu
Aug/080
the suite oblivion
The “suite oblivion” is a metaphorical place or a state-of-mind that most of us go to and reside in at various times in our lives. Oblivion is defined as the state of being disregarded or forgotten; total forgetfulness. Simply put, we often “forget” who we are and why we are really here. We then digress by consciously or unconsciously distracting ourselves with artificial realities, superficial relationships, or misguided 
endeavors.
We need to be reminded that each of us has a purpose and a reason for being. But the chaos of life often clouds our view of this purpose. While we can’t see exactly where we’re going, we live and work and interact day-to-day in our many unsatisfying suites of oblivion until we reach a threshold and decide to make some changes. Great pain usually precedes significant change. But unlike the “Hotel California”… you can check out any time you like AND you can always leave the suite oblivion if you choose. It starts with awareness, moves to a decision, and then has to be followed by deliberate action to truly escape.
©2008 Tom Leu
Jul/080
the ultimate gift
We tend to get tunnel vision when we’re only thinking about ourselves. The big picture becomes impossible to see.
Things eventually get real small and the pressure goes up.
Ironically, it’s through service – the efforts that bring forth a greater good, the energy that positively affects others – that the self’s needs truly get met.
As life’s possibilities and passions begin to be realized, the world opens up, gets bigger, and the pressure goes down.
Once things become more about others and less about ourselves, do things really begin to matter.
This is the only way to spend one’s life for maximum meaning to emerge.
This pursuit of life’s purpose, and the hope of finding it, is the great obsession of many who desire to make a difference in the world.
And to make a difference – to leave more than you take – is the ultimate accomplishment… and the ultimate gift.
©2008 Tom Leu
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Tom Leu is a writer, speaker, photographer, and teacher with degrees in Psychology and Sociology. Tom's RockStar Way™ brand uncovers the extraordinary "images" within music, marketing & motivation.
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