
Neuro-linguistic programming or NLP is a therapy system pioneered in the 1970's by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. NLP teaches people to become more self-aware and to become better communicators while simultaneously changing their patterns of mental and emotional behavior. In other words: begin to think different; begin to act different.
After studying several prominent and successful psychotherapists, Bandler and Grinder concluded that the most successful communicators IN ANY INDUSTRY shared a few common traits. Here's a quick summary of their findings along with some of my own thoughts... in no particular order of importance.
Great communicators are:
1. Purposeful. They know what they want and are proactive rather than reactive.
2. Flexible. They are open to change, and enjoy trying new ways of doing things, and can adjust on-the-fly.
3. Intuitive. They read and are extremely responsive to the nonverbal communication and body language of others.
4. Visionary. They are consistently looking at and evaluating the bigger picture.
5. Optimistic. They embrace difficult or challenging situations as learning opportunities rather than problems.
6. Compassionate. They genuinely care for others and look for the good in people and circumstances.
7. Talented. They are genuinely gifted and really good at what they do.
8. Determined. They are internally driven and refuse to give up.
Killer communicators have huge advantages at home and on-the-job. They know the precise outcome they want to achieve, are able to come up with different approaches to getting it, and are flexible all along the way. They are aware of their strengths AND opportunity areas, yet occasionally kick and scream just like everyone else sometimes.

"Making the world a better place one interaction at a time."
Please consider the following effective practices to put into place to become a more competent communicator personally and professionally:
1. Pause - Excellent communication starts with stopping first. There are great rewards for avoiding knee-jerk reactions. They call them "knee-jerk" because a lot of times a jerk is exactly how you feel afterwards... Pausing gives us more time (to perceive and predict) which often gives us more options (before we proceed).
2. Perceive - The additional time that pausing produces affords us more opportunity to truly "see" what is happening in the moment. It's to our benefit to look beyond the surface; to look just underneath the obvious. Heightened perception often leads to new perspectives that help to better (predict) how best (to proceed).
3. Predict - Next, ask yourself: "What's happened just before, or is likely to happen just after this encounter?" Educated predictions about pertinent circumstances or situations leading up to, and/or following our interactions result from first (pausing) and then (perceiving).
4. Proceed - Once we've taken an extra second (pause), sought to really "see" (perceive) the nuances, surmised (predict) what came before and what may come next, it's now time to take the next step (proceed). Executing the first three P's FIRST, now position us to make the best decisions and the smartest moves next.
A lot of people do this backwards. When interacting with others they often jump right to #4. They first react and proceed impulsively, and only then do they pause, perceive, and predict how to undo what they did... after the fact.
This cycle then becomes a vicious circle starting over again and again... producing similar and results.
To avoid this, the most competent communicators are proactive rather than reactive.
Proactive communication requires employing the 4 P's in order ongoing, within every interaction.
Doing so has the potential to make the world a better place one interaction at a time...

I teach a course at the college called "Human Relations."
It's often misunderstood by both students AND staff because the title is so obviously deceptive.
Many people assume, and then zoom right on by the power of these two words; and therefore miss the potential power of the course and its many practical concepts.
The class is a combination of psychology and communication... what I call "communichology."
Human Relations = to relate (effectively) to other humans... pretty straight-forward right? Not necessarily...
This stuff is easy to talk about, but difficult to do.
Here's where it gets tricky...
Effectively relating to others requires us first to effectively relate to ourselves. This is no small task for many.
This subject is as internal as it is external... just like looking in a mirror is both an internal and external exercise simultaneously.
We first see ourselves, and then hopefully we "see" ourselves.
You see... we have to be truly in touch with ourselves before we can be truly effective with others.
The mirror has to reflect both ways.
Many "get" this, but fail to really get into it fully.
It's work. It's often difficult. But it's necessary.
There are 3 steps in this journey:
1) Awareness - We first have to tune-in and begin to know - what we don't know, or think we may know - but may be mistaken about our own psychology and communication skills.
To do: Admit that perception isn't always reality.
2) Education - Next, we need to set about learning more about ourselves, our history, our responsibility, and our blind spots, as well as the complex nuances of interpersonal communication with others.
To do: Take a Human Relations-type course, workshop, or seminar.
3) Application - Finally, we have to act on this awareness and education and begin an ongoing process of applying what we now know... now.
To do: Practice at home and on the job; a lot.
Far more than just common sense, human relations is a critical skill set that can be developed provided the proper amounts of courage, honesty, and ongoing diligence are present.
The importance of this discipline cannot be overstated.
Becoming a master of yourself affords you the opportunity to be masterful with others, in many kinds of situations, most of the time.
And who doesn't stand to benefit from that?

For too long I've been a damn good diplomat.
I've been pretty successful at skillfully playing all sides while always being careful not to offend.
While there's always a "time and a place" for just about everything, drowning in diplomacy is a death-sentence.
So today is the death of the diplomat.
As a "trafficker of ideas" (Scott Berkun), I must tell it like it is. My truth, the way I see it, regardless of whether anyone else agrees or not.
People respect those who tell their truth, even if they disagree with them.
People rarely respect perpetual fence-sitters or die-hard diplomats.
You have to draw your line in the sand.
You must take a stand and proclaim your position(s).
This will earn you followers.
This will also earn you haters.
The old adage: "the only bad press is no press" rings very true here.
I've got nothing to lose, and neither do you.
The intent isn't to offend, though some will take offense.
The intent is to "see things" figuratively speaking, in the hopes of acertaining even more truth.
The intent is to accumulate insight.
The intent is to inspire and encourage critical thinking by demonstrating it.
But good intentions don't pay the bills. It's about action over apprehension.
As a college instructor, this is what I've been doing for years in my classrooms.
I'm now taking the same approach within my writings, audios, videos, and live presentations.
Subscribe if you're inclined, decline if you don't.
Either way,
Stay tuned-in...
Tom Leu, M.S. is writer, speaker, photographer, and musician from Rockford, IL. StayTunedIn.net promotes "seeing things" the RockStar Way™ using Lifestyle Initiative Training techniques.