Tom Leu | Motivational Speaker, Author, Photographer, & Musician

8 Traits of Killer Communicators

greatcommunicator

Neuro-linguistic programming or NLP is a therapy system pioneered in the 1970's by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. NLP teaches people to become more self-aware and to become better communicators while simultaneously changing their patterns of mental and emotional behavior. In other words: begin to think different; begin to act different.

After studying several prominent and successful psychotherapists, Bandler and Grinder concluded that the most successful communicators IN ANY INDUSTRY shared a few common traits. Here's a quick summary of their findings along with some of my own thoughts... in no particular order of importance.

Great communicators are:

1.  Purposeful. They know what they want and are proactive rather than reactive.

2.  Flexible. They are open to change, and enjoy trying new ways of doing things, and can adjust on-the-fly.

3.  Intuitive. They read and are extremely responsive to the nonverbal communication and body language of others.

4.  Visionary. They are consistently looking at and evaluating the bigger picture. 

5.  Optimistic. They embrace difficult or challenging situations as learning opportunities rather than problems.

6.  Compassionate. They genuinely care for others and look for the good in people and circumstances.

7.  Talented. They are genuinely gifted and really good at what they do.

8.  Determined. They are internally driven and refuse to give up. 

Killer communicators have huge advantages at home and on-the-job. They know the precise outcome they want to achieve, are able to come up with different approaches to getting it, and are flexible all along the way. They are aware of their strengths AND opportunity areas, yet occasionally kick and scream just like everyone else sometimes.

©2012 Tom Leu

“human relations”… not-so-common-sense

photo by Tom Leu

I teach a course at the college called "Human Relations."

It's often misunderstood by both students AND staff because the title is so obviously deceptive.

Many people assume, and then zoom right on by the power of these two words; and therefore miss the potential power of the course and its many practical concepts.

The class is a combination of psychology and communication... what I call "communichology."

Human Relations = to relate (effectively) to other humans... pretty straight-forward right? Not necessarily...

This stuff is easy to talk about, but difficult to do.

Here's where it gets tricky...

Effectively relating to others requires us first to effectively relate to ourselves. This is no small task for many.

This subject is as internal as it is external... just like looking in a mirror is both an internal and external exercise simultaneously.

We first see ourselves, and then hopefully we "see" ourselves.

You see... we have to be truly in touch with ourselves before we can be truly effective with others.

The mirror has to reflect both ways.

Many "get" this, but fail to really get into it fully.

It's work. It's often difficult. But it's necessary.

There are 3 steps in this journey:

1) Awareness - We first have to tune-in and begin to know - what we don't know, or think we may know - but may be mistaken about our own psychology and communication skills.

To do: Admit that perception isn't always reality.

2) Education - Next, we need to set about learning more about ourselves, our history, our responsibility, and our blind spots, as well as the complex nuances of interpersonal communication with others.

To do: Take a Human Relations-type course, workshop, or seminar.

3) Application - Finally, we have to act on this awareness and education and begin an ongoing process of applying what we now know... now.

To do: Practice at home and on the job; a lot.

Far more than just common sense, human relations is a critical skill set that can be developed provided the proper amounts of courage, honesty, and ongoing diligence are present.

The importance of this discipline cannot be overstated.

Becoming a master of yourself affords you the opportunity to be masterful with others, in many kinds of situations, most of the time.

And who doesn't stand to benefit from that?

©2011 Tom Leu

Death of the Diplomat

death-of-diplomat

For too long I've been a damn good diplomat.

I've been pretty successful at skillfully playing all sides while always being careful not to offend.

While there's always a "time and a place" for just about everything, drowning in diplomacy is a death-sentence.

So today is the death of the diplomat.

As a "trafficker of ideas" (Scott Berkun), I must tell it like it is. My truth, the way I see it, regardless of whether anyone else agrees or not.

People respect those who tell their truth, even if they disagree with them.

People rarely respect perpetual fence-sitters or die-hard diplomats.

You have to draw your line in the sand.

You must take a stand and proclaim your position(s).

This will earn you followers.

This will also earn you haters.

The old adage: "the only bad press is no press" rings very true here.

I've got nothing to lose, and neither do you.

The intent isn't to offend, though some will take offense.

The intent is to "see things" figuratively speaking, in the hopes of acertaining even more truth.

The intent is to accumulate insight.

The intent is to inspire and encourage critical thinking by demonstrating it.

But good intentions don't pay the bills. It's about action over apprehension.

As a college instructor, this is what I've been doing for years in my classrooms.

I'm now taking the same approach within my writings, audios, videos, and live presentations.

Subscribe if you're inclined, decline if you don't.

Either way,

Stay tuned-in...

Tom Leu, M.S. is writer, speaker, photographer, and musician from Rockford, IL. StayTunedIn.net promotes "seeing things" the RockStar Way™ using Lifestyle Initiative Training techniques.

©2011 Tom Leu

Letters May Lie

photo by Tom Leu

How "smart" are you?

Have you spent many years in school accumulating a lot of formal education?

Have you earned some degrees or certifications or licenses?

Do you have a few letters after your name?

Joe Blow, M.S. | Jane Doe, PhD. | Mary Poppins, LCSW | Jim Beam, CPA | or... Ronald McDonald, CMC, CPF, MBA, CSP, CPAE...

Do you think that your degrees and designations alone qualify you to do whatever it is you think you're qualified to do?

News flash: they don't.

Why not?

Because letters may lie...

The Way I See It: Content expertise does not necessarily equal communicational excellence.

The false assumption is that because a person is "educated," they are also competent communicators... intuitively able to handle personal and professional challenges in real-time, on-the-fly, and in the moment. In my experience, many of those with letters after their name are often the most arrogant of all in this area, and are the most consistently incompetent when it comes to being adept and adaptable communicators. 

A lot of people within organizations, educational institutions, or industry are like the walking-dead when it comes to communication skills. They’re stiffs that put more people off, or to sleep than they don’t. They drone on and on spewing their "expert" content while never truly connecting with their audience. Or, they're insensitive curmudgeons oblivious to the fact that they're ruled by they're own base impulses and emotions. They disappoint, aggravate, and alienate. They need a wake-up call.

They need to learn how to communicate like rock stars... the RockStar Way™

Specific content knowledge learned and earned in the form of degrees and certifications is great, and does open doors for people. Historically, society has, and still does place great emphasis and reward on demonstrated content knowledge. But in our new increasingly technologically-driven, customer-service oriented economy... content knowledge is not enough.

Have you forgotten how to simply be respectful and responsible despite how you may feel in any given moment? Degrees don't exempt anyone from demonstrating common courtesy. The letters after your name are not a license to neglect the basics.

People must also possess AND demonstrate communicational expertise in the form of emotional and social intelligences on a daily basis. People must pursue insight and situational awareness that lives at the intersection of communication (skills) and human psychology... what I call "communichology"... to truly prosper and advance personally and professionally.

PhD's who interview poorly, experienced executives who are ineffective managers, technicians who are resented by colleagues, teachers who cannot connect with students, etc., are an all-too-common reality unfortunately illustrating a lack of communichological skill.

This at least partially explains why otherwise "smart" people often struggle to attain new opportuntities and/or advance within their existing circumstances.

It's counter-intuitive that a person with many letters after their name may struggle with the basic communication skills necessary to both survive and thrive in our socially dynamic culture today. But in my experience, it's very common.

Without the adequate communicational, emotional, and social skills IN ADDITION to your letters, your progress will be limited.

Letters after your name are a good start and cetainly don't hurt, but they're only the beginning, not the end.

©2011 Tom Leu