“I don’t want to go there; I don’t want to talk about that…”
I hear this quite a bit within the different aspects of my work. The frequency of this isn’t surprising, but the high price we pay for this choice often is. There’s a large, collective cost attached to avoidance and denial. It’s often not immediately apparent, but it’s definitely there. It’s called “avoid-dance” for a reason. Because that’s exactly what it is: a fucking dance… a death dance that slowly kills you from the inside out.
Anywhere you don’t want go (emotionally) is exactly where you need to be… (immediately). – @tomleu
It’s normal to want to avoid problems because problems = pain. Nobody wants more pain, we’ve got enough of that shit already right? Many psychologists suggest that the human drive to avoid pain is higher and tends to be more prevalent than our drive to seek pleasure. Read that again. It’s called “avoidance coping” or “escape coping” for a reason. But here’s the thing: side-stepping isn’t a solution; it’s a band-aid, and a weak one at that. The longer anyone avoids their own crap and refuses “to go there,” the bigger the problem becomes, and the less effective the band-aid becomes over time. Have the stones to rip that shit off.
We all have to “go there” sometimes because “there” is where the real solutions to the problems live. Believe it or not, the pain of dealing with the here and now is far less than enduring the pain accumulated by avoiding shit week-after-month-after-year-after-year. It’s called recovery (from whatever is ailing you). Going there is good. Go there so you don’t have to live there.
Face it, fix it, and move on. It’s a risk worth taking. Easier said than done, but no less possible…
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Love the quote “Anywhere you don’t want to go is exactly where you need to be.” Spot on!
Thank you Laurie! This is a lesson I had to learn myself years ago. Once I started facing the stuff I wanted to avoid, things started to look very different for me. And once “seeing things” differently begins happening for us, different behaviors typically follow that improve our quality of life.