Avoid-Dance

“I don’t want to go there; I don’t want to talk about that…”

I hear this quite a bit within the different aspects of my work. The frequency of this isn’t surprising, but the high price we pay for this choice often is. There’s a large, collective cost attached to avoidance and denial. It’s often not immediately apparent, but it’s definitely there. It’s called “avoid-dance” for a reason. Because that’s exactly what it is: a fucking dance… a death dance that slowly kills you from the inside out.

Anywhere you don’t want go (emotionally) is exactly where you need to be… (immediately). – @tomleu

It’s normal to want to avoid problems because problems = pain. Nobody wants more pain, we’ve got enough of that shit already right? Many psychologists suggest that the human drive to avoid pain is higher and tends to be more prevalent than our drive to seek pleasure. Read that again. It’s called “avoidance coping” or “escape coping” for a reason. But here’s the thing: side-stepping isn’t a solution; it’s a band-aid, and a weak one at that. The longer anyone avoids their own crap and refuses “to go there,” the bigger the problem becomes, and the less effective the band-aid becomes over time. Have the stones to rip that shit off.

We all have to “go there” sometimes because “there” is where the real solutions to the problems live. Believe it or not, the pain of dealing with the here and now is far less than enduring the pain accumulated by avoiding shit week-after-month-after-year-after-year. It’s called recovery (from whatever is ailing you). Going there is good. Go there so you don’t have to live there.

Face it, fix it, and move on. It’s a risk worth taking. Easier said than done, but no less possible…

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Thirty-Five

35

Bitching. Moaning. Whining. Complaining. It’s all some people seem to do. It’s their identity and their attention-seeking mechanism. They’re quick to point out what sucks, what doesn’t work, why it’s never worked, and who’s to blame. They’re easy to spot because their language is laced with self-pity. They’re seemingly incapable of NOT living in the past.

News flash: There’s no nobility in this. There’s no redeeming value in choosing this lifestyle. And make no mistake… it IS a choice. It’s so easy to point fingers. It’s so easy to cry foul. It’s so terribly easy to be a victim… which is why so many do.

As an organizational leader (and I argue that we are ALL leaders of something, somewhere), I’m looking for those who have the courage to go against the grain. Those who have the balls to step-up, and come up with real solutions to real problems. Those who aren’t afraid to be objective about their part in past failures, but who also aren’t afraid to embrace change and to be badass about making things better.

Screw the doom-and-gloomers and the dream-stealers. Be a solution-seeker, or get the hell out of the way. Do it for your sake, and for all of our sakes… for fuck’s sake.

Stay tuned-in…