Forty-Two (42)

The concept of “dream-stealing” is one I’ve written and talked about quite a bit over the years. I don’t have too many of these folks in my life (anymore), but more will crop up, they always do. I’ve made conscious decisions to distance myself from dream-stealers past and present. These are the people that sucked more energy and life out of me than they put in. They had to go.

Some of these were the know-it-all’s, or the huff and puffers, and the avoider types among others, that I’ve written about. The move away from some of these people wasn’t easy, but it was possible, and I’m far better off for it.

I used to discuss this concept of “dream-stealing” with groups of new students at the college where I taught classes in psychology and communications. I would often hear from many students who shared their stories that involved others in their lives (typically family and friends) who worked hard to make their already hard path, even harder by being discouraging, skeptical, and generally unsupportive of their endeavors. I’ve heard it said: people want you to do well, just not better than them… So for some, their mission in life becomes making others’  lives more difficult. I encouraged these students then, as I’m encouraging you now, to cut these folks loose… immediately. Kick them to the fucking curb.

Never allow someone else’s lack progress, or dreams of their own, to hinder or hijack yours. That’s on YOU if you do…

Stay tuned-in…

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Stop Complaining, Get Pissed, & Grow a Pair

If this title offends you (*self-assured chuckle*) then you probably won’t find anything of value here.

This piece is for those (of us) who benefit from getting the cage rattled a little bit sometimes. If you can’t handle that, then you should consider clicking off… no harm, no foul. But, if you think you might be in the 5% I target, then please read on…

I can’t stand perpetual whiners. I have a very low tolerance for those who bitch and moan constantly about the status quo; those who are solution-averse, problem-dwellers.

Boo, fucking hoo…

Your plans didn’t pan out? Your goals got side-lined? Your expectations weren’t met? Your ego got bruised?

What are you gonna do now? What do you do with those inevitable moments of discouragement, doubt, disillusionment, and despair?

Kick and scream? Pout? Blame others? Give up? These are all (self-sabotaging) options for you if you choose them.

However, I suggest you start stopping your self-sabotage NOW!

How?

STOP

…wasting your precious time; it’s NOT unlimited; time is ticking.

…complaining about everyone and everything.

…whining about all the reasons why your life has not turned out the way you wanted it to.

…blaming others for why you don’t have what you want.

…beating yourself up for having dreams that are challenging and hard to achieve.

…turning to diversions (attractive distractions) that get you off track.

…using money as an excuse for why you can’t do something (point: we all “find” the money we need for the things that we really want).

…hearing only what you want to hear and believing your own bullshit.

…second guessing your real passions (point: if they recur, they’re likely real).

…envying those who (appear to) have what you want (most don’t).

…trying to be all things to all people (point: diplomacy has its place, but so does drawing a line in the sand, taking a position and putting people in their place when necessary).

…ignoring the signs that confirm you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing.

Instead…

START

…listening to others you trust.

…believing in your real abilities and strengths.

…taking tangible action toward your goals.

…accepting that you’re going to get down occasionally, and that’s OK.

…embracing that not everyone is going to dig you and what you do.

…committing to sharpening your skills, learning new things, and growing as a human being.

Stop complaining – and only identifying and rehashing the problems, without a solution.

Get pissed – reach your threshold, the point of no return, a moment of truth that moves you act.

Grow a pair – realize your solutions, make decisions, undertake massive and consistent action of high-pay off activities to change your circumstances.

To accomplish all of the above, keep these 3 initiatives on your radar at all times:

  • FOCUS – continually be creating, evolving, and executing your plan.
  • INSULATE – avoid the many dream stealers attempting to suck the fucking life out of you; embrace primarily those who keep you inspired, yet accountable.
  • PERSPECTIVE – recalibrate, recharge, recommit, re-examine, and re-focus your actions daily along the way.

Stop simply drowning in the “dreaming”… start really doing.

Agree or disagree; just no apathy.

Stay tuned-in…


 

Willing AND Able?

“Are you willing and able?”

It’s usually posed as a single question, when in fact, there are two very distinct things at play here. Willingness and ability are not the same thing of course, though we’re often led to believe they should be.

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

And just because you should doesn’t mean you can.

Ability. This is about skill, talent and know-how. If you’re not properly qualified or trained to perform certain tasks or undertakings, then your choices are two-fold: 1) Learn how to do what you want to do or 2) Don’t do it. Get educated or move on to something else that you are qualified to accomplish successfully. Ability is largely external and, barring any mental or physical limitations, can be taught and learned, more or less.

Willingness. This is about desire, passion and interests. If you’re not willing to consistently do something… you won’t. Be honest with yourself when it comes to what you’re really willing to do in life. Whether it’s pertaining to a career, relationships, or your hobbies, people only stick with things they are passionate about or significantly interested in. For long-term commitment, true willingness must be present. Willingness is primarily internal and generally cannot be taught. One can be forced to be “willing” temporarily, but this is more accurately called obedience, not willingness.

Four scenarios pertaining to willingess and ability exist:

1) Willing and Able = A calling…

full of happiness, adventure, fulfillment, & contentment. (best case scenario)

2) Unwilling and Able = A job…

full of stability, security, restlessness, boredom, & wonder. (head-case scenario I)

3) Willing and Unable = A dream…

full of good intentions, excitement, anxiety, uncertainty, & unproductiveness. (head-case scenario II)

4) Unwilling and Unable = A waste of time…

full of dread, angst, apathy, & loathing. (worst case scenario)

So what to do if you find yourself stuck in scenario 2, 3, or 4 – where either willingness or ability, or both are absent?

the shiFt:

First, you may voluntarily leave the situation after you’ve had enough. Second, you may be asked to leave, or the situation may leave you after others have had enough. Or third, you may seek one or more vices, devices or distractions to cope with and endure the disconnect.

The take-away?

>> Pursue your passion that’s also your talent.

If you’re an “easier said than done” enthusiast, you’re likely stifled in scenario 2, 3, or 4 right now – and are likely a chronic excuse-maker and victim. The real question is… how long are you willing to stay there?

Only when the pain is great enough to exceed the need for excuses can real change take place.

Ask yourself if it’s a matter of can’t (unable) or won’t (unwilling). Big difference. Honestly answering this is the first step toward the solution.

Stay tuned-in…


Please share and click HERE for info on my Communichology course.

Get my articles and exclusive content with science-based insights to shiFt your communication from adequate to ass-kicking!


 

Dream-Stealers

dream-stealers

“We are all either building our own dreams or building somebody else’s.” ~ Jeff Olson, The Slight Edge

Distance yourself from dream-stealers… you know who they are. Those people who take energy and inspiration from you rather than give it to you. You don’t have to go far to find them. They may be family, friends, colleagues, or simple acquaintances.

It’s tricky because dream-stealing often comes disguised as good advice; you know the… ” for your own good” bullshit speeches.

There are two types of dream-stealers…

Those who view you as:

  1. a Nut – These people truly feel that your endeavors, undertakings, plans, and goals may be unrealistic or are unattainable. They think you’re crazy for attempting to attain your type of goals. In an effort to be protective, they try to kill your enthusiasm in the name of helping you avoid future disappointments. Though their intentions may be good, the poisonous message they’re sending is that you aren’t good enough. Only you can decide that.
  2. a Threat – These people cannot, or will not support you completely because you and your ambitions make them feel bad about themselves. You are a mirror to their own perceived inadequacies, lack of action, or accomplishments. There are strong elements of competition, jealousy, and envy present. They often react uninterested and/or apathetic to your efforts because you are inadvertently calling theirs (or the lack thereof) into question. These are the worst kind of dream-stealers (and often the most prevalent), who need to be avoided at all costs.

**Remember, these two types describe how dream-stealers view YOU. This is just a symptom of their problem. The real problem, and their source of discontent is primarily about THEM, not you. Take some comfort and be confident in that knowledge.

If you can’t turn them off, at least try to turn them down. Where and when feasible, put some space between you and go your own way. Or to put it another way:

“Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever the f*ck you were gonna do anyway.” ~ Robert Downey Jr.

Stay tuned-in…