Eighty-Two (82)

In an impressive and heartfelt TED-Talk given on the price of shame and public humiliation, the notorious Monica Lewinsky says “the internet is the super highway for the Id” (as in Freud’s Id, Ego, & Superego personality structures). A very astute observation from arguably the most well-known, unknown of all time.

The internet and social media has become a place where restraint is the exception, and rancor with little regard for others is the rule. She goes on to challenge us to “… acknowledge the difference between speaking up with intention, and speaking up for attention.” Many have lots to say (often with little substance), but their primary intention is to get attention by defaming others. Compassion and empathy in our technology-driven society are often sorely lacking, and not just on the internet, but everywhere.

It’s time to shift our output of compassion and empathy toward others UP. It’s too easy to be a loud mouth online or in line at the local market. It’s much more difficult to be a person who brings solutions. A person who adds value to others rather than take it. A person who recognizes their own fallibility, and extends a hand to others in need. Yes, it’s much more difficult and noble to be a person of character and decorum… which is why it’s needed now more than ever before.

Stay tuned-in…

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The situation: When attempting to help or assist others, it’s simple: First, identify the problem; then provide a solution, right? Put another way: know their need, then give them what they want. Sounds simple, but it’s anything but…

The challenge: People want what they want over what they need. But when giving, most of us default to giving others what we think they need… not what they actually want. This is obviously produces a disconnect, and results in many communication breakdowns.

The shiFt: 1) Listen with the intent to hear what others really want. It often differs from what you think they need. You may be right, but attempting to force feed someone what they need vs. what they want is a dead-end road. Makes things worse most of the time. 2) You have to present what you know they need into a package that they believe they actually want. 3) Finally, you have to make it appear like the solution is actually their idea, not yours. How do you do this? It starts with demonstrating genuine empathy by doing much more asking of questions than telling. It must appear that your interest is more about them, and their plight, rather than your point-of-view. This is a process that requires masterful communication skills combined with a better than basic understanding of human psychology to pull off effectively ongoing.

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Stay tuned-in…