Sixty-Nine

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How do you “come off” to others? What vibes do you send out? Ever really considered it? If not, you should.

These are simple questions that are often deceptively difficult to address objectively. A better question is how’s your “How?” This is asking if you’re truly aware of HOW your communication (verbal and nonverbal) is being received by others at any given moment. In-person, and online.

Missing social cues, misunderstanding social cues, or not caring about social cues are three BIG mistakes many make.

Some people are so drunk on their own self-delusion and self-centeredness, that they miss crucial social information happening around them. This “missing” negatively affects the quality of their interpersonal communication skills, and therefore, their outcomes in life. They’re figuratively blind to how negatively they come off to others many times. They’re then stunned when things don’t go their way personally or professionally.

Effective communication is chronically proclaimed as common sense, but its lack of demonstration is all-too-common. Everyone can benefit from a reminder to check yourself, and to check your ego. And then to make adjustments in the moment when necessary to appropriately and strategically conform to any situation to influence and affect your best outcomes.

Stay tuned-in…


 

Thirty-Seven

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In business, a good majority of a manager’s time, hell… in most occupations, or just life in general, is spent delivering bad news to people. It’s telling people what they need to hear, not just what they want to hear. It’s coming from a place of caring for versus caretaking. The idea is that if we truly “care” about a person, we will have the courage to share with them where they have opportunities to improve and grow; i.e. where they’re fucking falling short. Anything less is caretaking and harmful to them in the long run because caretaking people is really just enabling someone to stay stuck in mediocrity, or worse. We do this shit because we’re selfish. We don’t want people to get pissed at us for telling them the truth they don’t like, nor want to hear, so we don’t. We allow them to continue to wallow, all in the name of saving our own ass. It’s the coward’s way. I know because I’ve done it. You’ve done it. We’ve all done it.

As such, sharing hard truths with people is often as painful to send as it is to receive. But, how can a person expect to improve if they’re operating without the necessary knowledge of where they’re falling short? But this doesn’t have to be mean-spirited. In addition to delivering accurate and honest information intended to help, we also have a responsibility to deliver it in the proper way, at the proper time, for it to have the most impact. Most effective communication is as much about the “how” as it is about the “what”…

Stay tuned-in…


 

4 P’s to Competent Communication

Please consider the following effective practices to put into place to become a more competent and persuasive communicator personally and professionally:

  1. Pause – Excellent communication starts with stopping first. There are great rewards for avoiding knee-jerk reactions. They call them “knee-jerk” because a lot of times a jerk is exactly how you feel afterwards… Pausing gives you more time (to perceive and predict) which often gives you more options (before you proceed).
  2. Perceive – The additional time that pausing produces affords you more opportunity to truly “see” what is happening in the moment. It’s to your benefit to look beyond the surface; to look just underneath the obvious. Heightened perception often leads to new perspectives that help to better (predict) how best (to proceed).
  3. Predict – Next, ask yourself: “What’s happened just before, or is likely to happen just after this encounter?” Educated predictions about pertinent circumstances or situations leading up to, and/or following our interactions result from first (pausing) and then (perceiving).
  4. Proceed – Once you’ve taken an extra second (pause), sought to really “see” (perceive) the nuances, surmised (predict) what came before and what may come next, it’s now time to take the next step (proceed). Executing the first three P’s FIRST, now position you to make the best decisions and the smartest moves next.

A lot of people do this backwards. When interacting with others they often jump right to #4. They first react and proceed impulsively, and only then do they pause, perceive, and predict how to undo what they did… after the fact.

This cycle then becomes a vicious circle starting over again and again… producing similar end results.

To avoid this, the most competent and persuasive communicators are proactive rather than reactive.

Proactive communication requires employing the 4 P’s in order ongoing, within every interaction.

Try it.

Doing so has the potential to make the world a better place one interaction at a time…

Stay tuned-in…


 

The Bad News

bad-newsAnyone who has ever “managed” other people has been there. This includes everyone from industry leaders to shift supervisors to soccer moms…

Somebody drops the ball and you’re now the one who has to deliver the bad news…

The “what” you have to do next is important.

The “how” you choose to do it is even more important…

Some leaders and managers confront with a snarky, passive-aggressive tone that only serves to alienate and piss people off. Other leaders and managers communicate with a tact and couth that still makes the point, but without any unnecessary collateral damage.

I’ve worked with and for these nit-picky types in the past. They needle, prick, and prod a person until the initial issue at hand is so far faded into the background, that nobody even remembers what the hell the actual problem was in the first place. These types pride themselves on uncovering aberrations. They get their self-esteem and sense of self-worth by finding the faults of others, and bringing them to the forefront.

So are you largely encouraging and positive, focusing on what’s good? Or are you largely nay-saying and negative, focusing only on what’s not-so-good?

As a leader of anyone, HOW you choose to deliver the bad news is one of the most important skill-sets you can acquire. I don’t care if you have ten PhD’s, if you fail at this… you fail. Period. That dissertation is useless if you’re ineffective in real-time, with real people, in real situations.

If you come off as hard-nosed and hard-to-please, you’re going to alienate people into despising you. One could argue that this approach does produce results however. I’ll agree to a point, but will further argue that these results are usually short-lived, and this approach only works for the short-term.

If you present as someone who requires high standards and quality, AND emboldens and encourages others along the way, you’re going to attract people to you. This approach typically produces results that are long-lasting and long-term.

the shiFt:

The choice is clear.

Don’t be dick.

Deliver the bad news and hold people accountable, but do so in a manner that garners allegiance, not defiance.

It’s a critically important art form that few truly master.

Be one of the few.

Stay tuned-in…

It’s Scary

It’s so simple, it’s scary.

Fact: Exemplary communication skills (verbal, nonverbal, emotional, & written) yield personal and professional opportunity and advantage.

Scary simple, but not easy…

What’s even scarier is the assertion that most people suck at their communication.

That’s right, they suck. They stink at it.

Just look around… communication breakdowns are evident everywhere, everyday, in all ways.

What’s scarier yet is that most people falsely believe that they’re good at this stuff, or at least good enough.

They’re not.

They’re nowhere nearly as good as they think they are, or they NEED to be…

Most think they don’t need any additional training or enhanced skills in this area.

They do. We ALL do on occasion…

These people pay a high price for their arrogance and apathy in the long-run. It may show up as: not getting the job; not getting the date; getting passed up for a promotion; unstable personal and professional relationships, etc.

You and I know the world is furiously dynamic and fast-changing. As such, our communication skills must be spot-on in the moment; most moments. Our communication needs to be able to adapt and evolve within any myriad of circumstances that pop up as necessary.

That’s a mouthful. Read it again… Very few can do this effectively and consistently.

Therefore, mastering skills in the art and science of Communichology™ is not only nice, but necessary.

Being a great communicator is about embracing a lifestyle that requires taking initiative and being proactive around your own personal achievement.

It’s THE big idea and THE big difference.

It starts with recovering from the self-delusion that you don’t need any help in this area. We all do at times. That’s honest. And honesty is required to “recover” from anything.

I train and teach on the desperately needed strategies and skills to meet these life demands head-on. I prepare people to not only survive, but to thrive in these challenging times. “Success” hinges on one’s communication… first with yourself (intrapersonally), and then with others (interpersonally).

I help you raise your awareness, your skills around your communication skills, your emotional and social intelligences, your recovery processes, and your social strategy techniques.

I call it Lifestyle Initiative Training and it’s kick-ass!

How much is that worth?

So much, it’s scary…

Stay tuned-in…