Lovers & Haters

“To escape criticism… do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.”~ Elbert Hubbard

As a creator of any kind of content, the middle-ground is the dead zone.

Getting lovers gets you haters.

For the same reasons that you cause some to “love” you and what you do, you’re necessarily going to cause some to “hate” you and what you do.

This is good. Marketing. Business. Life theology.

This IS what you want…

“If you’re not generating a negative response from someone, you’re probably not fascinating anyone.”~ Sally Hogshead

I say it often: I’m not seeking consensus nor controversy within my work. I’m seeking critical thinking. Dissension gets attention but is often a cruel tool. But recognize that being polarizing at times can be very positive for your purposes. Move away from the middle…

Well-known examples of people who provoke strong love/hate reactions for many just by mentioning their name: Donald Trump, Kanye West, Axl Rose, Howard Stern, Simon Cowell, Russell Brand, Bill O’Reilly, Bill Maher. How about brussel sprouts, black licorice, CNN, Fox News, televangelists, and on and on…?

Understand that the mere presence of haters means you’ve struck a powerful chord. Take this as success, not failure, because you’re now finally on the radar.

Don’t hate the haters. They’re confirmation that what you’re doing has real merit. Their rabid rancor is the result of the compelling communication of your content.

Diplomatic, vanilla-flavored fluff isn’t going to get anyone’s attention anywhere.

“There is no defense against criticism except obscurity.”~ Joseph Addison

I’ll always advocate choosing to overcome critical adversity rather than endure habitual obscurity.

Resist the urge to please the majority.

Instead, persist in the urgency to please your minority… that niche you know digs what you do.

This will win you more fans than foes in the long run.

This may require a shiFt in perspective.

This may also require that you unapologetically grow a pair.

You see, some will love that “ballsy” last line while others will hate it.

But I can’t care because this is how I think, how I talk at times, and who I am. The real me.

So, I love you lovers, and I love you haters.

What about you?

Come one, come some… just come. Perhaps in pairs… 🙂

Stay tuned-in…

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Three-Sixty-Self

Hard truth: People are self-centered more than they’re not.

Everyone’s favorite subject is themselves; whether they admit it or not. **Think about it: you’re thinking about you and yours, much more than anyone or anything else, the majority of the time. Your day, your job, your money, your family, your friends, your food, your plans, your life…

It’s not negative. It’s normal. It’s survival. You have to think about these things to take care of the business of your life. To survive…

And as such, each and every person is therefore in the “sales” business.

And knowing this, and acting on this, gives you a huge advantage socially and professionally. It’s a core principle of Communichology™ that I write and speak on often.

Those who are truly successful at marketing, promoting, and persuading others understand one key distinction:

Whatever you do or produce has to make people feel something about themselves to get them to respond.

Be it hope or fear, it’s the feelings tied to their emotions that people actually “buy” (literally or figuratively).

Your offering (a product, service, or yourself) must move them emotionally first, before it will move them behaviorally.

Your offering must communicate something that is about them and for them.

If it’s about you or someone else, they’ll care less. They’ll get bored and move on. So if they believe it’s about them, they’ll stay tuned-in and interested.

Most people are most interested in that which relates to them and theirs. To fill their needs by increasing their pleasure and by reducing their pain. To discover ways to better their lives by enhancing what’s already good and/or by improving what’s not-so-good.

**All of life’s pursuits, passions, progress, and problems involve people endlessly searching for ways to fill these needs.

So you “make it” by filling a need and making it feel like it’s about them, not you.

Make someone feel and you’ve now made a fan.

To do this, you must…

Present the universal so that it’s perceived as personal.

Then they will pay attention. Then they will respond.

Which is what you want. Which is also what you need.

Because this isn’t about them. It’s actually about you.

It’s for you:

  • …to use
  • …to do
  • …what you need to do
  • …to feel the way
  • …you want to feel
  • …about you.

It’s a win-win.

And then it comes full circle, and then cycle begins again…

Stay tuned-in…

Please share and click HERE for info on my Communichology course.

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Avoid-Dance

“I don’t want to go there; I don’t want to talk about that…”

I hear this quite a bit within the different aspects of my work. The frequency of this isn’t surprising, but the high price we pay for this choice often is. There’s a large, collective cost attached to avoidance and denial. It’s often not immediately apparent, but it’s definitely there. It’s called “avoid-dance” for a reason. Because that’s exactly what it is: a fucking dance… a death dance that slowly kills you from the inside out.

Anywhere you don’t want go (emotionally) is exactly where you need to be… (immediately). – @tomleu

It’s normal to want to avoid problems because problems = pain. Nobody wants more pain, we’ve got enough of that shit already right? Many psychologists suggest that the human drive to avoid pain is higher and tends to be more prevalent than our drive to seek pleasure. Read that again. It’s called “avoidance coping” or “escape coping” for a reason. But here’s the thing: side-stepping isn’t a solution; it’s a band-aid, and a weak one at that. The longer anyone avoids their own crap and refuses “to go there,” the bigger the problem becomes, and the less effective the band-aid becomes over time. Have the stones to rip that shit off.

We all have to “go there” sometimes because “there” is where the real solutions to the problems live. Believe it or not, the pain of dealing with the here and now is far less than enduring the pain accumulated by avoiding shit week-after-month-after-year-after-year. It’s called recovery (from whatever is ailing you). Going there is good. Go there so you don’t have to live there.

Face it, fix it, and move on. It’s a risk worth taking. Easier said than done, but no less possible…

Stay tuned-in…

Please share and click HERE for info on my Communichology course.

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“Human Relations”… not-so-common-sense

For years, I taught a college course called “Human Relations.” It was always my favorite class to teach because the content blended principles of communication and psychology, and was the inspiration for many of my Communichology™ concepts going forward.

The course was often misunderstood at the outset by both students AND staff because the title is so obviously deceptive.

Many people zoomed right on by the significance of these two words, and therefore missed the power of the course and its many practical concepts and applications in day-to-day life. Further, this course and its content was often dismissed as “common sense.”

This stuff is easy to talk about, but difficult to do.

>> Human Relations = to relate (effectively) to other humans… pretty straight-forward right? Not necessarily…

Here’s where it gets tricky…

Effectively relating to others, and demonstrating empathy, requires us first to effectively relate to, and understand ourselves, honestly. Again, easy to say, hard to do… no small task for many, dare I say, MOST people.

This subject is as internal as it is external… just like looking in a mirror is both an internal and external exercise simultaneously. We first have to see ourselves, and then hopefully we will “see” ourselves. Without being truly in touch with ourselves first, we will be arguably less effective when dealing with others. Communication works if it’s worked.

The mirror has to reflect both ways. Many “get” this, but fail to really get into it fully.

It’s work. It’s often very difficult work. But it’s very necessary.

the shiFt: there are 3 steps in this journey:

  • Awareness – We first have to tune-in and begin to know > what we don’t know, or think we may know > but may be mistaken about our own psychology and communication skills.

To do: Admit that perception isn’t always reality, and begin owning both your good and not-so-good tendencies and habits.

  • Education – Next, we need to set about learning more about ourselves; about our blind spots… and about how our history, and our experiences shape the complex nuances of our interpersonal communications with others.

To do: Take a Human Relations-type course, workshop, or seminar >> or two, or three…

  • Application – Finally, we have to act on this awareness and education and begin an ongoing process of applying what we now know… now. Define and then refine and repeat.

To do: Practice at home and on the job; a lot. Strive to miss less than most.

Bottom Line:

Far more than just common sense, human relations is a critical skill set that can be developed provided the proper amounts of courage, honesty, and ongoing diligence are present. The importance of this discipline cannot be overstated.

Becoming a master of yourself affords you the opportunity to be masterful with others… in many kinds of situations, most of the time.

And who doesn’t stand to benefit from that?

Stay tuned-in…

Please share and click HERE for info on my Communichology course.

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Eighty-Five (85)

Majoring in the minors; Minoring in the majors. It happens everywhere, much of the time. This is when people spend inordinate amounts of time focusing on stuff that matters least, at the expense of the stuff that matters most. This happens because it’s easier to avoid the bigger, harder issues at hand, and instead manage the smaller, softer things.

It’s faster. It’s common. And it’s the path of least resistance.

But it’s counter-intuitive because the easy way is actually the hard way. And it’s very destructive long-term. It’s destructive to the health of individuals and organizations. The solution? Become hyper-aware of it. Notice, sooner, when it’s happening. Especially if it’s coming from you. Begin talking about it with your trusted crew. Choose to shiFt your focus, time, and energy to the hard work at hand. Go inward. Take an inventory, and then take new and outward action, despite any apprehension.

By doing the tough stuff first, much of the soft stuff begins to take care of itself. Efficiencies are improved. Time is saved. Sanity is preserved. Win-win-win.

Stay tuned-in…

Please share and click HERE for info on my Communichology course.

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Tom Leu on the The Journey Podcast

Tom’s appearance on The Journey podcast with host, Kevin Polky from May 2020:

The Man Who Makes Sound Matter Pt. 1

“I have known Tom the majority of my life, close to 40 years. We played football together since middle school, lived together in college, were in each other’s wedding and now have had the opportunity to work together. He has an amazing story. This episode gives a glimpse into the earlier years of the good, bad and the ugly of the rocker lifestyle.” – Kevin Polky

Stay tuned-in…

Please share and click HERE for info on my Communichology course.

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Eighty-Four (84)

There’s a lot of talk out there. A lot of noise. A lot of non-sensical bullshit being spewed by pseudo-intellects (or worse) attempting to disguise their opinions as facts. If that’s you, knock that shit off.

Don’t confuse your strong feelings or personal certainty about some things as facts. Have the balls to admit that YOUR opinions (of course) aren’t everyone else’s facts. What’s worse is many-a-slanted diatribe are often offered up with little style, and full of equally little substance.

Having a compelling point-of-view, combined with quality writing AND speaking, is seemingly a lost art in our text/technology and self-centered/social media-driven world. You must have substantive reasons for people to pay attention to you other than just getting your attention in the first place. You must offer value. Value in the eye of the beholder. We all must.

So, have your opinions, state them often, but understand the difference between what you want to be true, what you wish to be true, with what IS truly fucking true. Not everyone will love you, and that’s actually a good thing. But instead of just being a tool for sport, offer up your valid and valuable idea-toolbox for others to pick and choose, and choose to use positively in their lives.

Stay tuned-in…

Please share and click HERE for info on my Communichology course.

Get my articles and exclusive content with science-based insights to shiFt your communication from adequate to ass-kicking!